Saturday, April 24, 2010

Another awful truth

The prevalent declination of faith of obtaining a solid relaionship in our peers has made the "free flowing" relationship ever so prominent amongst our generation. Thoughts of building solid relationships with another is slowly fading out of the hearts and minds of the many that surround us, why? Is it because our male and female counterparts lack the tools and fundamentals that are essential in building or strenghtening the foundations they place their relationships on? Maybe it's the lack of integrity our men possess that prevent our relationships from maturing, or maybe it's our women and their fear and ambivalent feelings toward men that eliminates even the possibility of them obtaining and sustaining a healthy relationship, either way it goes our generation has a severe problem that needs to be adressed.

Very recently my roommate and a group of her friends had a night together where an abundance of truths were expelled from each others mouths. Although I wasn't present for this event, I witnessed some of it's aftermath. As a result of a few bad men, the hearts of a few good women were possibly hardened with slight chances of recovery. Who suffers the consequences? Yes, the few good men we have left. 

As men, our society enables us to treat our women in ways that damage them not physically but emotionally, causing our womens perception of men to be diminished and tainted ( lying, cheating, manipulating, and abusing). As men, we are allowed to be sexual deviants, women are pressured by men to be pure and innocent simultaneously persuaded to relinquish their purity and innocence to them just to advance their sexual fonteirs. After the mans conquest is completed he is allowed to seek another vessel to conquer with no regard for the condition of the vessel prior. This man is a weak man and will rely on this social instinct to prey on those weaker than he.  

Women are born on the defensive, raised to sheild themselves from the heartaches, deceptions, and disappointments. Some are even raised to beleive that "all men are dogs" and can never be trusted. Like men, so few are raised with the correct knowledge and understanding of the roads of love and relationships. A woman is too often misguided in regards to relationships, often naive to the manipulations of the deviants that pursue conquest and are too often emotionally annihilated.

As a result of sub standard behavior from "bad men", the destruction of hope for a healthy relationship for women was born, which beget the ultimate struggle for the "good man". It's always been an argument as to who has it worse, males or females? honestly, I beleive that women have a harder time, however the "good man" has it the hardest. Not only does he have to seperate himself from the whole and prove himself worthy of a womans heart, he has to battle the womans "knights of the roundtable".      
All of the insecurities, distrust, fear, pain, and lack of faith in men are all issues a man face trying to obtain a womans heart. Among that he has to deal with his own socialization, he has to deny all the things that perpetuate the "bad man" and risk ridicule from peers, being hurt, rejected, and at the same time stand alone as a "good man".

We as a young generation have to grasp the concept of building relationships not just assuming a relationship just works. Building a relationship requires patience to learn who the person is, understanding to know that person does not think like you and functions as an individual, forgiveness to be able to accept that that person has faults and will not please you 100% of the time, and boundaries to prevent yourself from giving too much of yourself that there is no balance of reciprocation within the relationship.       

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Communication: a relationships best friend

Communication: the "art" of conveying messages or sending information from one source to another. 

Why this is important? Because it's a vital tool to keep others informed of necessary information. It allows people to make knowledgable decisions in circumstances that require specific information and in romantic relationships it is a necessary skill to prevent/dissolve issues that are sure to arise in relationships.

Communication is a fundamental tool that is often left behind in most relationships wether it be friendly or romantic. People are too often defeated by the fear of saying what's necessary in order to protect themselves from being the "bad guy" rather than just speaking out on what's right or conveying how they feel about a particular situation. People too often excercise the "ignorance is bliss philosophy" so they can have an excuse to say "well I didn't know" to avoid accountability for the circumstance.  People have an easier time saying unnecessary things but can't even formulate a sentence when communication is vital.

Any romantic relationship you MUST communicate the necessary things in order to have functionality and longevity.
1. Honest communication of intentions, what is the aim or goal for your relationship. 
2. Active communication of issues, most of the time problems start off small, they grow bigger if not adressed. Note: some things warrant compromise
3. Communicate appreciation and reassurance, some things need to be said even if you feel you show it. It will build trust and make communicating easier when it's something difficult to say
4.honesty honesty honesty, lies are never a good idea, mistakes are very forgivable if corrected, lies are blatant disrespect, display lack of character, destroys trust and integrity. A big No No!

Be very aware that men and women communicate in totally different ways almost as if they speak different languages. It takes a particular type of intimacy to decipher what each is saying in certain situations. For example... Men, when women are communicating their problems to you, it's not necessarily her asking you for your expert problem solving techniques, she's asking for your ear and understanding for comfort and compassion. Ladies a mans lack of communication isn't always a sign of detachment from you, a man is often quiet and distanst when he is having problems that he is contemplating dillegently to solve. There is no need to chase him an make him vent to you, he'll be back. 

That's one of men and womens major miscommunications, therefore proving why it's necessary for men and women to be active in learning communication. Patience and understanding is key to developing communication skiils aswell as familiarity with yourself in order to effectively process what's being conveyed to you and what you need to convey to others.. Think about it